Have you observed your child or been told that your child is “sensitive”. They respond strongly to situations that other children don’t. They have big feelings .They hold things in at school or day care and unleash all that bottled emotion at home. They may respond strongly to external stimuli, including the feel of their clothing, the sounds and lights around them, the emotions of others. There are many possible explanations for all of these tendencies, and being an empath is just one of them. As a parent or caregiver, as you read this and relate to your child, you will intuitively pick up if this resonates or not. Either way, there are some great coping strategies to support big feelings that can benefit any child or family, regardless of the origin of those feelings.
Some signs your child may be an empath:
-Your child may be drawn to nature
-Busy and loud environments overwhelm them
-Scary or emotional tv and books upset your child – they may dwell or take on some the emotions
-Empathic children are highly intuitive and will know when people are lying or genuine and will have strong feelings about who they like and dislike
-Empathic children are often perceived as sensitive or highly emotional
-Empathic Children may feel like they don’t belong
-Strong connection to animals and plants
-Empathic children often prefer one or two close friends
-Empathic children often have recurring physical symptoms like sore throats or stomach aches that can’t be explained
-Empathic children may take on the responsibility of other’s emotions, trying to make sure that mom or day are happy because when they are not, the child feels this deeply
Judith Orloff, M.D. has referred to empahtic children as having nervous systems that react more quickly and strongly to external stimuli, including stress.
As empathic children, these sweet little souls experience everything a little bit more than others and they don’t yet have the language or reasoning skills to sort through this barrage of stimulation and put down what isn’t theirs or even just process what is theirs. This is why we often experience these children as having behaviours or “big feelings”. As the old adage goes “what goes in, must come out”. If our children don’t have the coping skills to limit what goes in, process what does and respond accordingly, the likely response is going to be unfiltered release. This likely means a melt down. A melt down is not a bad thing. It is uncomfortable and especially hard if you yourself are an empath and you start to absorb the emotion of your child. What I find helpful to remember is that my child is expressing themselves, they are communicating. As a parent my role is to encourage them to feel safe in expressing and feeling their emotions and help them to learn to do it in a way that is appropriate, safe and healing.
All behaviour is a communication. What is your child telling you? I try to remind myself in the heat of these meltdowns at the end of a long day, that it is a success that my child feels safe enough with me to express their feelings. That this expression is an opening for communication and growth. This is also really easy to reflect neatly in retrospective way – in the heat of the moment this insight is harder bring to the forefront. That’s why it is so important to reflect
As parents, the first step is recognizing that our children are sensitive, and what they are sensitive to. Reducing the amount of sensory overload your children are exposed to. This may mean reducing screen time. Avoiding busy places, or strategically timing trips during the morning before your child becomes tired and has reduced capacity to cope with extra stimulation. This may mean allowing your child to run bare foot through grass. In my experience, going outside in nature is the single most effective way to support your child to calm their overstimulated nervous system. Building this time into your lifestyle will have numerous benefits for your whole family. (look for my post about ‘tree bathing’ coming soon).
The second step is helping your child understand their feeling and helping them establish healthy ways to express them. My favourite resource supporting children through their feelings is Janet Lansbury, a student of Magda Gerber and RIE Educator : https://www.janetlansbury.com/ She has a podcast and blog where she answers parents questions about specific child behaviours and offers practical advice for parents.
I would describe all of my children as empathic and, what I have found is that they are all different in their experience and expression. Knowing they are empaths is a start, but I also am working to really understand their unique experiences and how I can support them in their journey to experience their empathy as a gift and not a burden. I want to set them up with the skills understand, express and regulate their emotions. I want them to feel accepted as they are, for their highs and their lows. This is hard work for a parent. As parents we all want to be the best version of ourselves and show-up perfectly, but embodying these traits in the moment is hard. It’s especially hard if you are tired or when your child is in the throws of a meltdown – maybe at inconvenient time or location – is hard. I want to honour that for parents.
Tonni Morrison, an author from Oprah’s Book Club, refers to the moment a child walks into a room: if your face lights up at the sight of them – they will see this, they will know. This simple expression holds so much meaning. And this has resonated and and stuck with me. There is so many forms of communication, and the deepest most penetrating expression of love and value, is non-verbal. Its how our eyes light up. How we demonstrate acceptance and patience from within – it is much more than words. It’s the embodiment of acceptance and love that will truly resonate with your empathic child.
As school is starting and children are adjusting to new routines, classmates, teachers and are feeling stretched and stressed, I hope this provides a perspective or insight that may help raise your awareness and provide some strategies for your empathic child.
As always, I hope you are flourishing lately.